Due to recent events I was greatly inspired! It is very
silly! <=) -Evan-
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The War
by Evan
For once in a great long while, Sai had the house to his very own self.
The television wasn't blaring the latest exploits of the WWF, and the
stereo wasn't being monopolised with the very classic, but, Sai thought privately (well
mostly privately) the very boring Led Zeppelin, (Kento), the very loud Beastie Boys (Ryo),
and the very dramatic Rialto (Rowen). Sai was grateful Seiji owned personal cd player, he
enjoyed water music but a boy could only take so much before falling right to sleep!
They were all off for an entire weekend, doing exciting things in the
woods, city and abroad, and Sai assured them he was much too tired to join any of them,
when in fact he was not. Silence was rare and precious, and he would not let a single
moment of it go bye without thanks.
He had been sitting in the living room enjoying a hot cup of tea when
his calm tranquil state was vanquished, and the tea cup froze midway to his lips.
Sai was not alone after all.
There was a spider sitting quite happily on the ceiling. It was the
size of his tea saucer with long black legs and more less the most unpleasant thing Sai
had ever seen.
He gazed at it for a moment, feeling very much as one does when you've
suddenly noticed someone has been staring at you and you quickly flash the last few
minutes through your head, wondering what it was you were doing and if you should be
alarmed at being caught at it. Had he passed right under it? He shuddered.
Sai made a face. Sai, being a Ronin Warrior and all, wasn't exactly
the type to balk at something like a spider, but he wasn't very thrilled to have one so
brazenly enjoying his home, without, Sai theorised, a care in the world.
Sternly setting his tea cup down, Sai went boldly to the linen closet
with a strong sense of purpose and annoyance.
After much thought, Sai opted for the vacuum cleaner. He pulled the
various attachments out one by one, pondering which would be the most effective, all the
while checking back to see if his house guest had decided to have a look around the place
while he was occupied.
Finding a long hose best suited for the task, Sai pulled the cumbersome
vacuum out into the living area and planned his attack.
The easiest route was clear. Stand on top of the sofa and get the
spider with the hose. However, that would place Sai directly beneath the bug. He could
almost hear Rowen, as if he was at his shoulder, 'It is not a BUG, it is an arachnid,
spiders aren't bugs.' Sai didn't really much care what you called the nasty thing, he
wasn't going to sit right under it and let it drop on him in some unfortunate misuse of
the vacuum hose, or an act of self defense on the part of the spider.
He opted instead for the slightly less stable situation of balancing
himself between a rather frail looking side table and the edge of a near by dining room
chair.
Sai plugged in his instrument of spider death, and carefully climbed
up, happy with the knowledge that in a few moments, the spider would be gone to that great
web in the sky and that he could get back to his tea and the 8 hour marathon of fashion
emergency on E. The table creaked slightly, and the chair wobbled, but Sai, being very
good at balancing on very odd things, felt confident.
The spider was unperturbed by the sudden roar of the vacuum. Sai
gingerly lifted the hose, ready to make his move, but also ready to spring away in case
the spider were to become violent. It wasn't as easy to be offhanded about the
multi-legged intruder when he was now so close to it he could touch it. Sai found his
hands were trembling slightly.
He stopped that at once.
The spider suddenly skittered in his direction right over his head, its
legs working in a grotesque frenzy.
It was about then when his footing became perilous. With a great CRACK,
the table gave way, the chair flew out from under him and Sai landed with a heavy THUD
onto the vacuum, the ruins of the table, and with one final teeter, the chair fell right
over and onto his face.
With language he had never used in his life, Sai flung the chair away
just in time to see the spider walk calmly and Sai was sure, deliberately, to the air vent
that sat high up on the wall and disappear into its dark depths.
"This," Sai assured it loudly, "...IS WAR!"
Sai could not enjoy the fashion emergency marathon because every few
seconds, he was slapping at himself in imaged spider encounters. If his sleeve sat wrong
on his arm he jumped. If the air in the room blew across the back of his neck, he leaped.
Calling himself ridiculous he went to bed. But all he could do is stare
at the air vent by his ceiling.
It was waiting for him to drop his guard!
It WANTED him to go to sleep so it could dash out and sit on the
ceiling and watch him all night long with every single one of it's eyes. It wanted to
maybe have a visit down to the floor and maybe have a nap in one of his shoes. Maybe it
would even drop right down onto his bed and-
Sai shoved the covers over his head and whimpered.
He sat up angry and flipped on his light.
Sai took stock of his arsenal grimly.
Hair spray (courtesy of Rowen), rubber gloves (courtesy of Seiji), a
dust pan, a torch, and some plastic bags.
He had forgone the broom for the danger that the thing might take it
into its mind to run right up it and jump onto his hand or arm, and the hammer had seemed
excessive.
Training the beam of his torch on its last known location, the vent in
the living room, Sai sat down in a chair with a strong coffee and waited.
Pausing only for quick loo breaks, and occasionally swinging his
torch behind him, convinced the beast was at his back, mocking his efforts, his long vigil
was rewarded!
His breath stopped in his chest as one than two black legs poked out
from the grate, and then it emerged totally to sit like a serene horror on the white wall.
Sai smiled slowly, hair spray in hand.
He crept slowly up to it, can in hand, ready to encase the enemy with
the sticky stuff, and maybe let it flounder a bit before he finished it off with a nice
heavy book, or maybe, he fantasized, some matches! Hair spray was very flammable wasn't
it?
With a victory yelp (which was half victory and mostly terror) a hard
burst of hair spray knocked the spider right off the wall and onto the floor.
Sai swooned in fright and took to the sofa wildly spraying hair gel all
around the room and praying to God.
Heart thudding in his chest, Sai saw the spider sitting solidly, and
quite healthily he also noted, in the centre on the room.
It was blocking the only way out!
The windows were out of reach!
He was trapped!
Sai raised the can of hair spray in defiance. And slammed down the
nozzle.
It was empty.
Sai stared at the spider.
It stared back.
It had been a glorious week end away! Kento put his key in the lock and
flung the door open. "SAI! WE ARE HOME- oh."
The living room was in shambles. The coffee table was in splinters, house plants over turned, and what was his hammer doing out here?
Sai was sleeping in a very tight ball on the sofa clutching a vacuum hose (attached to nothing) in one hand and a dented bottle of hair spray in the other.
Kento scratched his head.
Then he noticed a small house spider sitting on the floor.
He brought his heavy combat boot down it.
He scraped it off his shoe.
"Ew."
the end