Hello! =) Date: Mon Nov 19, 2001
Adam just gave this to me this morning and said it was up to me whether I wanted it posted
or not? I wanted to post it. =) I didn't fix any of it, or
make the proper capitals because I just couldn't. It is perfect in any and all of its
crudenss? Thank you Adam, I love you very very much! *goes off to hug Adam to pieces*
Evannotweepyreally! <,=)
ps if you haven't read a non-fiction story I wrote about how Adam and I met, (no, his name
was not Jason, that was Adam?)
then this may not make much sense, but that is okay, I just want to share
this because it just made me happy? <=)
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hello.
i have been asked for many years to write a version of the story, my version,
and the Truth i might add, as to how evan and myself met. i always thought
those types of confessions were boring for everyone but the author (evan's
excluded of course but fuck, i was in it wasn't i?) in many other words, i
thought it was a bit masturbatory and while that sort of thing doesn't
disturb me when it is kept to yourself, it seemed egoistical to post a story
about yourself and expect it to be of some interest to anyone but to whom was
there. evan's doesn't occur to me that way, don't know why, he isn't much
about ego i guess.
my point being, some mates of mine which you may very well now asked for more
writing from me and i thought i would try some non fiction for two reasons.
the first being that sometimes the truth is more bizarre than what you can
contrive in your head, even on acid, and secondly, evan asked me to a long
time ago. and how can i say no to him? ^^
i don't expect this to be of any interest to anyone. this is a gift to kit
(evan), celebrating an anniversary of sorts. it wasn't when we first met, or
the first blow job (maybe for next christmas eh?) but for all of it.
-adamout-
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untitled
by adam
when i was 14 i was sent far away from my home, south africa, and ended up in
dark evil place going to a boarding school. growing up on beaches and a sun
the England, gloomy, cloudy, cold, foggy english bullshite i was confronted
with was more than depressing. english not being my first or second language
no one ever understood what i was saying. i couldn't go surfing. they ate
runny eggs for christs sake. i pleaded with my father to be allowed to go
home. he said no.
after all my best attempts at being thrown out of school, all had failed.
when i was still fourteen i left school one day, and took an aeroplane to
greece. it took three weeks for anyone to catch up with me. one of my
father's assistants found me pissed on a beach tracked down with my abusive
use of a stolen credit card. eh, i was young and didn't think to use more
cash. soon afterwards i took off for france a few times and hitch hiked
about. it was summer so i lived on the street in paris for while exploring
the joys of acid and peyote. my french was never better. i was again
eventually found and dragged back to school each time.
i tried failing my courses by not going to any of them. i tried going to my
classes and aggressively did everything wrong. i reveled in every punishment
i embraced every disciplinary action. if they required me to press all my
uniforms in the common area, i did it naked. if they wanted me to run laps
around the entire campus in wintre, i did it naked. if they required
unreasonable 100 page thesis papers in exchange for bad marks, i gave them
200 page novels on the sexual behaviours of several of the professors and
women who were not their wives.
they at one point kicked me out. i celebrated by victory. it was short
lived. my father granted a substantial donation to the school and they had
me back with a smile.
after a year or so, i gave up and accepted my fate.
i went to class. i passed them. i took up sports, i chased girls from town
and the boys at school. it was a healthy teen drama. when my last year
finally showed itself, i was happy to make it as fast as possible.
let me set the scene. i was hung over, off from football practise (that's
soccer for you yanks) and sick of the sight of just about everything.
it was raining. i was wearing muddy shorts, a bloodied shin guard (i
played goalie that day) muddy jersey and i am certain i smelled quite bad.
and i was soaked wet. it is always bloody raining in england.
there were all sorts of new people about. it was the start of the new school
year. a mate of mine was pointing this fact out when i noticed this "person"
walking down the way towards us. he was tall and was wearing a long black
coat over his uniform. he had black gloves on and he was holding a black
umbrella. he clearly did not belong here. he walked by us. light brown hair,
when he got closer i saw the shape of his eyes. its hard to explain what
makes a person beautiful but he was. i think my mouth was hanging open. my
limping mate elliiott (also done with practise) didn't notice my reaction but
he noticed the bloke who was walking past us.
"eh, pretty for a bloke."
i laughed because the offended way he had said it and the confused look on
his muddy face, as if god was trying to play some sort of trick on us.
my mate smacked me in the back hard. he was one of those boys that had no
concept of his own strength. "done with that are you adam?" he was laughing
at me because i told him long ago i had given up cock.
blow jobs in the school showers were a source of great mindless fun for me
over the years but i retreated back to masturbation after some bloke
confessed love to me. but that is another story.
i laughed again but loudly this time right as the new student walked by us,
and the freshman looked at me. he gave me a once over. his eyes were blue,
they were definitely blue. it made me nervous. it was like a terrible
thrill. i don't get nervous very much, maybe that is the wrong word.
he was so clean and we were fucking muddied animals compared. glow baby
glow. I watched him go shining through the crowds of freshmen in the rain.
i wasn't looking for him i swear to jesus. but over the days i kept seeing
him. he walked about as if he owned the place. he was taller than most of
them. he ignored everyone. he started to distract me. i was an officer of
my football team and it was my sad duty to go about and ask the new students
to go out for teams. i was going to hand it off to the younger players but i
wanted to tour the freshman dorms. as much as i detested my school i liked
playing sports and didn't want to see the team go to shite after i left. i
also wanted to find out where that bloke lived.
i wandered about asking around, told some students where they could go for
try out. most people left their doors open and i just walked into a room and
there he was.
someone had directed me to his dorm mate because he had played in his prior
school. i had no idea he lived there. never had any trouble saying a thing
to a person in my entire life and i realised i was just sort of looking at
him.
i found my tongue and asked him where his mate was.
he was flipping through a book and said he didn't know. he had a very soft
voice. he started coughing. he was ill.
when would he be back, i asked. i was staring at his hands, i had never
noticed anyones hands before.
he looked back at me like the Prime minister and he was just asked to clean a
toilet.
"i said", he was extremely annoyed, "i don't know."
he turned his back and went back to his book.
my heart was beating oddly. i wandered another floor and then decided to go
downstairs to have a smoke like i used to when i lived there three years ago.
there he was sagged on the sofa coughing. he turned when he heard me. he
had one foot up on the table which he put down immediately when he saw he was
not alone. he straightened his shirt and sat up surprised at the book he had
in his hands. i realised he had been dozing off.
"he is back in our room." he said.
"who?" i was staring at his shirt that was pulled out of his trousers,
before he sat up i could see his stomach. his skin was as pale and perfect
there as it was on his hands and face.
"jared?" he looked at me as if i was daft.
"who is jared?"
"my room mate." he rolled his eyes at me and went back to his book.
"you should drink tea."
"i have some." he shot back. he crossed his long legs and dismissed me.
i saw no tea.
i left.
i was in love.
days went by and i honed my stalking skills.
i went to my professor and got all of the freshman names and schedules with
an excuse. i did not know his name. no one seemed to know anything about
him, he didn't talk to anyone. one chap said he had thought he was a deaf.
school was busy and i only saw him every now and then walking on campus. i
tried to find some reason to talk to him. to my utter terror and joy, i saw
him later that day and lingered because i wanted to talk to him again. now
let me tell you now, i have never had a problem speaking to anyone at any
time in any sort of place. if this is a gift or curse i do not know but that
is how it is.
we were practically alone, he was standing there looking out the door window
and i choked. the sensation was fascinating what was i going to say?
hello, how are you? i had the feeling he'd tell me to piss off.
hello, how is it going? i had the feeling he'd be disgusted.
hello, i love you? i had the feeling he'd run.
i knew his name at least from my excerises. his name was evan and he was
from wales somewhere. he turned and looked at me, looked me up and down and
turned and walked right out.
what the fuck was that?
i had no idea but i couldn't stop smiling all day.
i didn't eat at the same hours as everyone but we had a game so we all went
to eat early. my best mate elliott made to sit down at our table we always
sat at, in fact if we weren't there no one else sat there. i saw evan
sitting somewhere else eating alone.
i didn't even think about it, i went and sat near by him. elliott and my
mates soon followed confused.
"there's a draft over here." elliott complained.
i saw evan look over at us. i smiled at him i couldn't help it, but he
looked away before he saw it. he still was coughing.
when we left i asked a freshman trying to make my team to bring him some tea.
when i wasn't in a hurry i would follow him on campus just to see what he
did. i was a complete stalker i admit it all. i did follow him to the
library. got a seat almost right next to him. it was the closest i had been
for any time as long as that. i chewed a pencil and watched his neck. i
thought he knew i was there until he turned and asked for help and i saw the
look of absolute disdain on his face. jesus fuck me he was hot. he got up
and left without a word.
i was for sakes and purposes crushed.
but not thwarted.
i kept thinking of what probable cause i would have to make conversation
when it was more than obvious he didn't want any from anyone. (and the small
fact that i was certain he thought i was insane) as the weeks went by i
never saw him with anyone. any passing words he had with anyone i held in
awe/jealously. i even asked one student what he could have possibly had to
say to evan for more than 2 minutes. it turned out the student was french
and evan was directing them to the town near by.
when quite a while later, and i couldn't bare the light headed sweaty spells
whenever i saw him any longer, i decided now was as good as any time as any
sink or swim as they say.
yes, i had pushed him into a bathroom.
i am not proud.
"what do you want?'" he asked me with those lips and those eyes.
what do i want? i didn't say it but i almost laughed.
i put one arm around his waist, grabbed him by the collar of those bloody
ridiculous school uniforms and put my tongue in his mouth.
and he let me. his mouth opened against my mouth and i almost passed out.
it was over before it started.
"what did you do that for?"
my heart was pounding, my cock was hard, i felt a bit flushed.
"i thought you might have wanted me to."
i was full of shite.
his eyes turned from shocked to angry.
all i wanted to do was appease, take that look away. i had yet to see that
face, unNNnnnn that face, smile.
"don't be mad"
then he did it.
he smiled. all of the horrible poetry and love songs came to mind. the feel
of his lips still on my mind, the taste of him, he must have just had a mint,
and then the smile. it changed his face, his eyes and my soul. jesus, he
might as well ripped my heart out put it on a platter and handed it over. i
could barely get the words out. i was a pure 80s pop song.
"maybe i can see you later?"
if he said no, it would mean my death.
"why?
the answer confused me. my cock was aching, it was all that was on my mind.
"we could take a walk?" i said.
he straightened his coat and looked at the door. he didn't say yes, he just
nodded and went.
he did meet me. i was so happy he had agreed i babbled on about nothing.
everything about him was so neat and clean, even though i had my uniform on i
was to be honest for the first time in my life self concious. he wasn't like
the loud muddy footballers i hung about with, he was in another universe all
together. i wanted to kiss him again but i had the feeling he would not
approve.
i shut up long enough in my nervousness for him to say a few things. he
asked about africa. he asked if i made a habit out of following people. i
told him no. he asked if i went to church. i told him no, i skipped of even
school services. he said maybe that was okay.
it was a few walks later than i found out anything about him.
he liked music.
he'd never surfed.
he didn't mind my hand on his knee.
we shared a cigarette.
as i was walking back to my room i realised for the first time i respected
someone enough not to just want to fuck them.
i wanted to get to know him
and then fuck him
not needed in that order.
one day he locked the door while we were both in his room, and roommateless.
i thought for sure he was going to let me do everything i had been thinking
about doing to him since i first saw him.
but no. it was nice though. i got to touch his hair and his face and for
the first time those hands i had been staring at did the same to me. he was
delicate and perfect but strong enough to shove me off of him when i got
carried away.
you see, evan was a boy of virtue. as you probably already know we did not
make love, have sex, "do it" until later that Christmas. not for my lack or
trying and begging.
evan eventually let me stay over in his room nights and would let me kiss him
until dawn but i got a cold glare if i tried to get his trousers off. i had
to stumble back to my dorm a desperate mess. if i was not such a gentleman i
would have ripped his trousers off. i settled for wanking off a bit when
alone.
after a small time i was allowed to grope and soon as that started evan had
fewer problems with me at least getting into his trousers as he was also
reduced to a desperate sweaty mess. having never seen this particular side
to him it was very exciting.
someone on his floor knocked on his door because they thought something was
wrong with him.
he still wouldn't let me do anything else or do anything to me. that was
also a bit exciting. if not frustrating. i got into a lot of fights at our
football games.
it made christmas that much more, and i am glad we waited. the 18 year old
boy i was would have punched me in the mouth for saying that and i wouldn't
blame him. but i am glad. it was his first time, and my first time with a
boy. the fact that he gave himself to me, to Me, that anyone so lovely and
kind, so smart, so impossibely interesting would give that to Me absolutely
wrecked my mind. i had waited so long and i almost couldn't do it. almost.
it was afterwards that he said he loved me. how many times can your heart
explode in one night? i hugged him so hard he had to tell me to stop.
that was ten years ago and since then we've gotten married, moved three times
and planned a family. i taught him to surf. he taught me to close
refrigerator doors.
i know you didn't want another poem this christmas baby so i did this
instead. you kept saying i wouldnt write anything like this because i wasn't
proud of you or who knows what. so this is for you to post or to keep, its
for you. here is to another ten years, thank you for staying for the first
ten for that matter
your husband,
adam