Hello! =) This is dedicated to the LotR fanboy. =)~ It is silly but
I was bored and really needed to vent? <=/
Cheers!
The Fan
by Evan
Sai considered himself a reasonably good life partner.
He thought he was fairly emotionally supportive to Rowen. He sorted Rowens sock collection
when it piled up. He did not gag when asked to make a peanut butter and corn flake
sandwich. He lay in bed alone when Rowen entered his gaming time warp and spent 24 hours
straight playing Tomb Raider. He even prolonged the sad life of the denims Rowen coveted
because some boring rock star had once vomited on them.
Considering Rowen and his lifestyle Sai had thought he had a very good
job of tossing away much of his ideals, morals and dignity for the sake of whatever it was
that possessed a person to spend a life with another.
That was until The Super Galactic Super Lad film was made.
The news was apparently very earth shaking. At least to Rowen.
"They spent five years making it Sai!" Rowen was so excited
he couldn't eat his breakfast.
"That is a very long time." Sai agreed pouring his tea.
"They are going to complete the entire 18 part series from the 52
books!"
"That is a lot of books." Sai agreed drinking his tea.
"I read them all 104 times!"
It wasn't until all 52 books were spread about on the living room floor
with Rowen frantically reading them all at once while consulting the Internet for story
boards that Sai began to worry.
It of course wasn't the first time Rowen had submerged himself in
something. There were the Trek Wars which Rowen knew line by line and scene by scene. The
films which he owned in original video, Laser Disc DVD remastered and later the comic book
series which, Rowen assured him with an innocent belief that Sai actually cared, were much
truer to the directors ideals and very racy.
There had also been the X-People magazines which Rowen had been
carefully archived in water proof boxes with all of the care of a military librarian, each
sealed in airtight plastic and cataloged with an intricate numerical system. That had also
been made a film much to Rowens light headed disbelief. Thankfully it was just one, and
after a few weeks of continuous watching, and non stop explaination of mutant power and
how woefully misunderstood they were by the common man, Rowen did move on when the latest
computer game distracted him.
There were other less mentionable pursuits, Sai would be hard pressed
to remember each one. A series of books about desert worms. Aliens that tossed acid about.
A bizarre man who travelled about in time in a police box. Sai knew more about Trek War
kribbles, magic light swords, metal skeleton mutants, menacing robots, time warp drives,
deadly planets, exploding laser beams and the black side then he ever thought, or cared to
in his life. One day it occurred to him that he knew what an orc was and he was silently
appalled.
But he smiled and nodded throughout it all. He asked relevant questions
about things that seemed to excite Rowen the most and earnestly pretended to listen when
he got out the space almanac and went into lengthly explainations.
Sai even managed to stay awake through the re mastered Trek War
anthology and claimed (even though he could not) he could tell that the sound had greatly
improved, and motor space cycles sounded really quite "awesome".
So, when it was two weeks later and the 52 books had been joined by an
even larger collection of Internet print outs, dog eared comic books and action figures,
Sai hoped that this interest in the The Super Galactic Super Lad would go, or at least
simmer beside what had come before it and life could go back to normal.
This was not the case.
Sai stared down at the plastic thing Rowen had put into his hand.
Rowen was very pleased. "Put it on." He said gravely.
Sai put the garish coloured plastic bracelet on over his wrist. It
looked as if it had been taken out of a cereal box in 1952.
Rowen's eyes shimmered. "It's a limited addition The Super Galatic
Super Lad decoder wrist shield." He was quite emotional. "I got it on Ebay for
only £500."
Sai blinked.
"It is for you baby." Rowen rubbed at his eyes with the back
of hand quite overcome. "Now when we talk, you can use the The Super Galactic Super
Lad code speak."
Sai, quite honestly, had not one clue as to what to say. He didn't
suppose it would be right to decode his true feelings on an innocent children's toy.
"I will eh, never take it off?" He immediately began to plot where he would lose
it.
"Wear it?! No, you have to keep hermetically sealed in a safe
deposit box." Rowen shook his head reverently taking it from him. "I have to get
this to the bank before it closes!"
Knowing that Rowen had lost his wedding ring on four separate
occasions, Sai felt his eyes narrow.
It had been approximately 48 hours since Rowen had received the all
important packet in the mail. Sai lay awake in bed listening for the upteenth time, the
same words and music from the bootleg Rowen had procured of the not yet released "The
Super Galactic Super Lad" film grating on his every nerve. Rowen had not stopped
watching it.
Sai had for course been made to sit through the first showing. Rowen
pointed out every inconsistency and error like a crime lab detective but remained
enthralled. Enthralled enough that he did not notice that Sai had dropped off for the last
hour of blurred yet harrowing space adventure.
Days went by.
No, Sai couldn't believe who they cast for The Super Galatic Super Lad
arch enemy. Much too young. Yes, Sai thought they had tackled Super Lad's tragic past very
well with the use of flash backs. No, he didn't care for the talking dog either but eh,
that is Hollywood, and don't they ruin everything?
Sai brought him food and water.
After a while Rowen was content to read the books while the movie
played.
"Rowen, my mum is ill and I have to take a train to see her-"
"Not now Sai, some moron is contesting my post on cgi use in post
Henson films on the The Super Galactic Super Lad bbs on The Super Galactic Super
Lad.com."
"Love, there was a small fire in the kitchen but I *think* it is
out now-"
"Sai did you know that The Super Galactic Super Lad film is
projected to make more money than Trek Wars??" Rowen rolled his eyes.
"WhatEVER."
"Rowen, I want a divorce."
"You want to watch The Super Galactic Super Lad again??? I read on
the The Super Galactic Super Lad mailing list that in scene 46 that they misuse the
Glingon word for attack!"
Sai packed his things.
Sai was enjoying Bali very much.
He had spent several weeks without even hearing the phrase "space
continuum".
He was laying about on the sun soaked beach when an attendant brought
him a telephone.
It was Rowen.
"Hello Sai." He sounded quite shameful.
Sai sipped out of a pineapple.
"I'm sorry," Rowen said, "It's all done with, I
swear!"
Sai lit a cigarette.
"Besides," Rowen said, his voice lighting up again once more,
"Episode Two of the Trek Wars Revisited is coming out next week!"
Sai sighed.
And hung up.
the end =)